It's day 47 on the GNC total lean shake 25 and I'm looking forward to getting through this bottle and going back to the other one. My weight loss progress has slowed on this one, I don't have as much energy, and I feel bloated. THE OPPOSITE of what I wanted to have happen.
I'm trying to be as dedicated about this as I possibly can. I really want to shed these pounds and get back to the person and figure I used to be.
Life is in such a tailspin all the time. It feels like there's not enough time in the day and being stuck and forced like a prisoner to sit inside a cubicle at a desk in an uncomfortable chair is about all that I can take anymore. I'm not a sitter-I'm a doer. I don't want to be forced into obesity from sitting 9 hrs a day, it's not fair.
Sure the money is good-but at what cost? I took my personal training certification because that's what I decided I wanted to do. I want to be moving, have motivation to keep myself in the best shape possible and motivate others to do the same. Instead, I'm stuck here with my ass glued to an office chair in shit lighting.
I wish I could be given the opportunity to find myself and my passion and not have to work a 8-5 job. I wish I was given the opportunity to be a stay at home mom and start my own business. But I can't because I'm the main care giver, head of household, etc. etc. BULLSHIT.
I'm tired of having to take care of everyone else but no body takes care of me. No one says, hey, I'll do that or lends a helping hand to take the worry and discomfort off my shoulders. This has been my life since I was 19. I need a break. I never had that time of self discovery or ability to grow. Yes, I had my daughter young and I gave up that opportunity but still it burns a hole inside of me everyday.
So what do I do? I put my head down and keep plugging away, promising myself that I'll accomplish goal after goal and that this isn't permanent and won't last forever. That I can accomplish things and have success in my life.
But the hardest thing is the time. Where is the time? Is it after work amongst the chaos of night time routine? Is it in the morning where I have to hurl myself out of bed in the morning? It's certainly not the 9 hours a day I'm stuck in the cubicle. I've heard you have to make time -- common my friends, we all know that isn't as simple as it sounds.
Yeah the rocks in the sand blah blah analogy, I get it, there's always room you didn't know you had. Sure, I could be a dead beat mom and do whatever, sure, I could be an insomniac and not sleep, shit there is 24 hours in a day and if I started taking amphetamines there would be 72.
We all have our bad days, days we want to throw in the towel and call it quits. But it frustrates me because I DO want to succeed.
I guess I need to start making changes besides just my body and decide what the right path in life is for me.
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