Day 59: Almost 2 months

I just realized it's been almost 2 months since I started the GNC shake. This second month has not been as successful. I believe it is due to the 25 instead of the regular. For this reason, I will be heading back to the regular shake very soon.

I also saw the main reasons for missing my shake is because I either don't want to wake up my house with the blender (and I don't like the texture when it's not blended) or because we've run out of milk -- and I don't know it until the morning.

The thought I have is buy a case of the pre-made shakes (more expensive--but it'd be my emergency supply) and keep them in the fridge. That way when I have to run, can't run the blender, or out of milk, I won't be out of luck.

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On a life note, this month has been kind of tough emotionally. I'm not really sure why, I don't know if it's my life, if it's my hormones, or if there is something bothering me that I'm shoving down into my subconscious. But. it needs to stop.

I think alot of the time, what ends up bothering people the most is loss of control or the amount of effort in limited time you leave yourself with. That's why I think the only way to feel better is to proactively try to gain happiness.

If you wait for the change to come, put it off until tomorrow, you're procrastinating your happiness, which seems counter intuitive...and really kind of stupid. But, I think that's what's known as being stuck in a rut.

I'm 26 years old, this is the prime of my life. If I sit here moping in my prime, what is the rest of my life going to be like? I don't want to be a quitter, or cower to what I'm afraid to tackle.

One of my first steps in taking back my happiness is I'm going to stop associating with those who don't appreciate the meaning of friendship.

I realized the other day when what I've been considering my best bud since we were just kids hasn't been cooperating much in the friendship. She took on to another girl, which is fine, everyone makes other friends, but the way she was playing me a long I just did not appreciate. I'm not going to be someone's "bitch". I decided that until that friendship is appreciated and a two way street, that I'm not interested in having it anymore. It's just effecting me way more then I think it should and not allowing me to truly be the person I know I am and deserve to be.

I find some other "friends" have been pretty selfish as well and I'm not interested in faking friendships anymore. They don't ask me over and always have excuses when I invite them here. They don't call me to see how I'm doing or facebook me or anything. Again the games are ridiculous. Sure, we get busy but I see that they keep in touch with other people (facebook reveals quite a bit) which gives me a case of the g.f.y.s.

I'm me, I'm comfortable with me, shit, I love me. I love my family, I love what I have accomplished through the hardships I faced, and I'm stronger than those who choose not to understand the meaning of friendship or a true friend.

So, I'll pick myself up by my bootstraps and continue to walk forward, towards my fitness AND my happiness.

This is just the beginning folks. Go get yourself some popcorn.